Heart to heart...(with myself)

Hello readers...its been approx 3 wks since ive started this blog and i'm super siced that i have about 200 ppl reading my ish...its kinda relieving cuz i didnt think anyone would read, but i guess i am entertaining you guys when you are bored at work...my drunken moments must make your day cuz my moments make my day too! hahaha

I know this might sound cheesy but I feel like Carrie from Sex in the City (except my shoes doent run me 500-1000 bucks...i wish unless HBO wants to by my blog and run it as a tv late night series..right after the dry/ poor acting sex shows lol). You might be asking yourself y...well for many reasons to be honest with you but the main one, the reason people go to New York and that's to find LOVE...gay yes i kno! but i'm a sucker for love (in the background you hear Danity kane's song "sucker for love" cuz i am) and i'm a big idiot for it 2. idk if you guys have seen a bronx tale (if you havent...u late, need a life, and need to keep up with movies...its a bomb movie and "Calogero" francis capra..is fine as hell in this movie! i got a thing for Italians haha) well in the movie, there is a scene where Sonny tells C that there in your life you are allowed 3 loves...and a clue if she is a keeper is if you open the door for the girl and she opens your door back (i think thats dumb as hell cuz its 2011 and have of these doors are automatic so i guess guys cant use that as a way to see if u have a good girl anymore lol) but back to the point...are we really allowed 3 loves in our life? (now this is where the inner carrie, the one the seeks out love in the wrong places aka guys, men, dudes...whatever u wana call them...I'm a bout to try analyzing this as best as possible lol) Cuz if so...i think i'm down to 1 and i gotta make it count right? lol

for your viewing pleasure, here's the

Lets see how i start this off without using names but for those that have known me know the situations i have put myself in, the hell i've put myself in and, the masachist i am to my heart (thanks tiny tim...i have realized what you mean lol). With this said..Imma lay it out there about my first love, partially love, present love and if this present joint aint working out..what i look for in my final love lol I'm all nervous now but i think i need to lay it out there so ppl kno y i am the way i am...cuz what better way to say it and do it than in my animated way! hahaha

Ok..here is goes...LOVE #1...well i was in denial with this one but my best friends were right (so was his sister lol) but for those that know keep it to yourselves..for those that dont..its a long story imma cuz super short but add details where necessary :) My FIRST love...man go figure it had to be someone i've known for the longest and its ur typical story..u love someone that dont love you back, who you end up thinking about but then just live your life to find out that in the end he loved you...crazy right?!?! yea...i thought so too...but like an idiot (cuz i kno i'm an idiot and yes it is my fault things are the way they are)..i had to let go and let love...you know you love someone if you let them go, if they come back then its meant to be...in this case i wouldve worked out but i just couldnt, so obviously it wasnt mine..cuz he aint back lol Back then, a crush was a crush. After years of not talking, chillin and ish...that crush felt the same this time around as it did in high school. it was like it was meant to be but again...i'm the fool that just let go of the past and have someone new in my life...i go by this: never leave the one you love for someone you like cuz they will leave you for the one that they like...I aint bout to be losin up in this piece! lol so what happened...we went our separate ways yet again and he's happy...and thats all that really matters...he is and always will be a good guy...just obviously not the guy for me so que paso...i walked out that door mad quick! lol

The "partial love"...this joint here...man did he do me good! and not in the way it might sound lol...man i have never argued so much with one person as much as i did with this one...like when it was good..of course it was great but when it was bad...it was like all hell would break loose! geeez...but this dude made me grow...i promised to not let douche bags like him EVER in my life and to be treated they way i really deserve. as much as i would like to believe this dude never cheated on me..i kno he did and its ok..cuz i got the best of him and no one will ever have that...(well not that i know of at least) in a matter of a few months being together reality hit us good! but in the end...things happened for a reason, we parted our ways with negative terms but nonetheless we did what we had to do for our own sanity...we were just as unhealthy as sammie and ronnie off jersey shore...except our ish wasnt aired on tv for everyone to see lol I thank god for this guy for really reals...as dumb and retarded as it might sound...i gave him about 25% of my heart he did what he did but in the end, i dont hold any resentment towards him, i dont hate him cuz thanks to him i learned it's all about me! (when necessary lol) I'm glad for the mistakes we made and the lessons we learned with each other cuz karma was a bitch to him (which made me happy lol) but he learned so whatever...(this here was the "college" love...lol)

now my 2nd love...man...the reason for y i chose the name long distance trooper cuz dude...being in a long distance relationship isnt healthy and it aint no joke(even tho i know i wonderful couple who makes me believe that the wait will be worth it!). This dude and I...ive basically kow him for ages. got with him not too long ago...its a loooong story...but this fool has me heart *sigh* We've gone through a lot in 4 yrs...good and bad but worked it out somehow...the best thing of long distance relationships is the arguing aint worth it but if its a serious one the make up sex makes it worth while! hahaha ok let me stop...this dude here tho...he's got my heart in his hands man and idk what it is but no matter...i'm his ryde or die chick...when he needs me i'm there..havent left his side and til this day...him and i are like ABC gum...but we still have some flavor left lol what can i say..this boricua has my heart and i think i have his..idk...this is another way i think i'm like Carrie...she never lost that love she had towards big...and thats how i feel with my love..he is my big and i am his carrie...in the end they did get married right?!?! but no wedding bells yet ya'll lol we will see how long this love will last...i might be a jersey resident in my near future...who knows! *sigh*

This song is for my 2nd love cuz his love is sweet misery hahaha(Aerosmith..i love u!)


For my last and final love...i dedicate this letter to you:

Dear future lover,

I'm warning you know that I'm not needy but can be when necessary. I have a lot of love to give even tho I might not do it in the right ways. I have a mouth on me so be prepared for what comes out of it (lets not think dirty ppl! lol). I am not an overbearing female. We all need our space at times and if u so happen to wana go out with the fellas...do what u gotta do cuz in the end u come home to me and vise versa. I'm easy to please...take that how eveer u want it..cuz trust...u will be glad i'm in ur life. I do have my down side...piss me off and trust me...ur not gona like it lol but in the end all i ask is that u treat me like you want me to treat u and we good money...oh yea...i love shoes so if u so happen to want to spoil me..eff the diamonds, the bags, or whatever item females tend to fall for...squash that...with a pair of j's or 3...i'm good :) there is a lot more but this is just a fair warning..so keep in mind that i am a keeper...someone u wana introduce to mom dukes lol not as a friend but as wifey.

Thanks,

me!

I hope i didnt bore you guys lol i know this post isnt as interesting as me going out and getting wasted but i just put myself out there..something i dont do but i felt necessary to do..so whoever reads this...dont get mad, dont get ur hopes up...whatever happened happened for a reason...whats in the future who knows...i'm working on the present...i'm taking things one day at a time...with that said

PARTY HARD PLUTO'S

Long Distance Trooper